Review: Cemetery High (1988)

Cemetery High

Rating

Director

Gorman Bechard

Screenplay

Gorman Bechard, Carmine Capobianco

Length

1h 20m

Starring

Debi Thibeault, Karen Nielsen, Lisa Schmidt, Simone Reyes, Ruth Collins, Tony Kruk, Diavd Coughlin, Frank Stewart, Kristine Waterman, Carmine Capobianco, Donna Davidge, Michael Citriniti, Tony Giglio

MPAA Rating

Review

It’s impossible to define the era of horror output that was the 1980s. Cemetery High does a very good job of conveying the highs and lows of the period with a production that’s as lurid and visceral as nearly any released in that decade.

During the late 1980s and early 1990s, there was a program on the USA network called USA Up All Night, specializing in vulgar, titillating, and outlandish programming. Among their favorite ’80s schlockfests was this hybrid light porn/horror combo. Fed up with the degenerate men they encounter on a regular basis, a bunch of sexy school girls (who look like adult porn stars, obviously) go on a killing spree to rid the world of these obnoxious sexist jerks. By appealing to the very demographic they are lambasting, the hope was to instill in them a sense of shame for actions which were obviously harmful.

The names of the cast won’t ring a bell for most viewers, they are disposable actors playing forgettable characters but they give it their porn-worthy best and you can feel the attempt by writer/director Gorman Bechard along with co-writer Carmien Capobianco to make a statement movie in the most aggressive, lecherous, and belligerent way possible.

A distant cousin of the gimmicky films of William Castle, Bechard and Capobianco employ a pair of cheesy warning signs. Playing these off as an attempt to forewarn wary visitors of the sexual and violent nature of the film, the Hooter Honker and Gore Gong presaged the associated content. It was never going to be a film that escaped censors but in 1988, it didn’t have to. Castle had to work within the Production Code but this film came out two decades after it ended. Still, it provided a nice advanced warning system for cable broadcasters, like USA, who relied on advertising dollars and needed to at least seem modestly aware of their programs’ content. Even without these content flares, the nudity and bloody content of the film would be considered tame by 1980s standards.

Ultimately, these affectations do little to embellish a hackneyed string of plot points that pull liberally from myriad better productions in the decade. Cemetery High occasionally featured some funny remarks, such as the “Anything I want….anything you want” tirade, but these moments are so few and so shallow that they don’t move the needle on the film’s overall quality, which is poor. Going for a campy, witty, and cult-like feel, it fails utterly. The film does give a sense of the type of films that could be found on video store shelves in that period, as well as on late night television (back when most television wasn’t 24/7), but it represents the worst of such offerings and should be avoided unless you’re a glutton for punishment.